Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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