You can't special order awesome
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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