The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
