no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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