Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
