Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
