Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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