Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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