if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
