just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
