I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
