Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
