Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
