your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
