And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
