I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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