Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
