He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
