Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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