idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
