Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
