apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
