i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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