peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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