Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
