Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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