Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
