nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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