So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
organizing the empties. That sober.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
