by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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