I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
