dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
