so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
