Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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