I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
