It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
