we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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