got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
