Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
