found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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