i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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