Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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