She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
