i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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