All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
