Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
