Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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