Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
