I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
