I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
