If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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