Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
