You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
