Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
