we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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