She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
