its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
