I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
