You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
