Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
