oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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