Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
